COMPOTES FOR COMPUTERS, DATES FOR FOODSTUFFS

COMPOTES FOR COMPUTERS, DATES FOR FOODSTUFFS

Thu, 04/30/2020 - 08:59

In the Communist period, Bulgarians often used real-life traits of their national character to poke fun at themselves.

One of these traits, the Bulgarian inimitable propensity to make a hash of things because someone, somewhere did not understand what was going on, and as a result suddenly hurdled themselves in blissful yet innocent astonishment, made the rounds in the sunset days of Communism when this country was supposed to start manufacturing... personal computers. The joke went on something like that: "It has transpired that the computers we were supposed to export to Japan turned out not to be computers but compotes. And we didn't export to Japan, but Japan sent them back to us."

The stern-faced general running the country under the coronavirus state of emergency managed to replay that old-time joke, almost literally.

At the beginning, the stern-faced general announced the Boyko Borisov government had pulled a barter deal with the United Arab Emirates to get 15 tons of PPE into Bulgaria in exchange for 32 tons of Bulgarian foodstuffs. The foodstuffs had been secured by a private company.

Everyone was astonished when it transpired that Bulgaria had only received about 3 tons of PPE. The rest of the payload consisted of... dates. Said dates were put in storage at the warehouses of the Bulgarian Red Cross.

The stern-faced general appeared on TV and said the government, which had previously hailed the deal as a major breakthrough, could not be held responsible because "private donors" could supply "anything." Why, then, would privately donated dates be stored at a government-run facility remained unanswered.

Economy Minister Emil Karanikolov of the extreme nationalist Ataka party announced dates as such were "delicious and nutritious."

The government is yet to decide what to do with the dates. Reputedly, the dates will be distributed to the "socially weak." Whether anyone noticed the direct reference to the notorious bons mots dating back to 18th century France is yet to be seen.

Issue 163

Commenting on www.vagabond.bg

Vagabond Media Ltd requires you to submit a valid email to comment on www.vagabond.bg to secure that you are not a bot or a spammer. Learn more on how the company manages your personal information on our Privacy Policy. By filling the comment form you declare that you will not use www.vagabond.bg for the purpose of violating the laws of the Republic of Bulgaria. When commenting on www.vagabond.bg please observe some simple rules. You must avoid sexually explicit language and racist, vulgar, religiously intolerant or obscene comments aiming to insult Vagabond Media Ltd, other companies, countries, nationalities, confessions or authors of postings and/or other comments. Do not post spam. Write in English. Unsolicited commercial messages, obscene postings and personal attacks will be removed without notice. The comments will be moderated and may take some time to appear on www.vagabond.bg.

0 comments

Add new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.

Restricted HTML

  • Allowed HTML tags: <a href hreflang> <em> <strong> <cite> <blockquote cite> <code> <ul type> <ol start type> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <h2 id> <h3 id> <h4 id> <h5 id> <h6 id>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
  • Web page addresses and email addresses turn into links automatically.

Discover More

OF PIGEONS AND VACCINATIONS
In the neighbourhood, I asked a retired woman, who habitually makes a public nuisance by throwing bread crumbs out of her fourth-floor balcony to feed Sofia's uncontrolled population of pigeons, to stop doing that because a uncontrolled population of pigeon
Slavi Trifonov, the leader of There Is Such a People party
ITN, FORMERLY NTD, IMV, IBGNI ETC
A sober look at the current mess of Bulgarian politics in the aftermath of 12 years of Boyko Borisov may produce some unexpected if slightly idiosyncratic explanations.

boyko borisov 4x4
DID BOYKO DRIVE AN ILLEGAL JEEP?
Dignitaries, ministers and even foreign guests were "invited" into the jeep while the Bulgarian prime minster went for a government-provided ride.

boyko borisov
FACT-CHECKING BOYKO BORISOV
Usually made in his inimitable style, a combination of uncouth nativism and broadspeak, they can easily fill up books. Here is a selection of Borisov's most recent public statements, rendered verbatim:

MAKING THE ROUNDS IN BULGARIA
At the beginning of an exam a student turns to the professor: "Let's now see what you have taught me online." * "Do you remember when we were optimistic and made grandiose plans?"
joke of the month
COFFEE AND CROISSANTS, PLEASE
It probably is, but the genius computerists hide themselves very well, and certainly do not work for Boyko Borisov's government.

money.jpg
MONEY FOR NOTHING
Ahead of the general election scheduled for 4 April, which is expected to generate a record-low turnout owing to the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic, Boyko Borisov's chief prosecutor, Ivan Geshev, conducted a number of spectacular busts with an obvious potential

the painting
LONG LIVE BOYKO BORISOV!
The picture, in oil, executed in the best (or worst) traditions of late Socialist Realism was immediately picked up by social media users.

joke of the month.jpg
NO SAUERKRAUT IN BG AMBULANCES
The overwhelming majority of Bulgarians wait in earnest for the sauerkraut, or kiselo zele, to ferment, or vtasa.

Joke of the month 170.jpg
ARBEIT MACHT FREI
The tweeting machine is set in motion, slamming anyone the president for reasons that will probably remain a mystery forever considers a "hater" and a "loser."

tsvetan tsvetanov.jpg
WHAT WE HAVE AS A TOPIC...
Tsv. Tsv., as he is sometimes popularly referred to, is the head of the Euro-Atlantic Centre for Security, a thinktank set up by himself when he was forced to resign from GERB, in 2019. Tsvetanov and "thinktank" in the same sentence?

sheep monument
'VIRTUAL' ANIMALS SUCK EU FUNDS
According to him, there were anywhere between 100,000 and 120,000 "virtual animals" getting about 20 million leva per year, adding the grand total was a lot more as there was no reliable data about virtual cows and bees.