LETTER FROM MARIYKA

Pricy Johnny,

The summer already ended and I have gone to school. This year will study a lot more English than before, and I hope to catch a lot better the tongue of Mark Twain when you again come next summer. The first school day was in the middle of the road in September. The mistress of English is Bulgarian who doesn't even speak with an American accent. A big disappointment, because how willpeople grasp me when I come to visit you in Iowa?

After official ceremony to open the new cshool year Mummy, Dad, Big Brother, Big Sister, Chinka and Lelincho (I don't no how to express those in English, but they are very closed relatives) we went to have a lunch. It was a wonderful occasion that will not soon be forgotten.

In the beginning Dad and Lelincho wanted to ahve an aperitivche. Dad wanted a Peshtera Rakiya, but it emerged that there was none, so he preferred Sungurlare Aged Rakiya. Lelincho wanted Bulg. Vodka, but in the final account stopped at Bulg. Whiskey, and he took for meze Old Man From Bansko. Dad was more traditional and acquired Old Man From Strandzha. Mama faltered between Donkey's Milk and Monastery Cellar (all famus Bulgarain white wines), but then decided for Non-Alkoholik Menta. Kaka, my older sister, opted for Koffe, but I choose can Put Buul. You know how much I love Put Buul!

When the time arrived for the salads, Dad and Lelincho ordered yet another small rakiya and respectively Tracian Salad, Boiled Potatres With Carrotp and Bean in the Village Style. Mother decided to test a Combination Salad. Yet Batko, my big brother, ordered a Pig - Tripe Soup. I had to satisfy myself with Balls Soup. Ever since the Children's Garden I eat balls for lunch.

When we finished with the beforemeals and succeeded in attracting the eyes of the waiter, no one of us was very hungry, and we did not order a Compination Plate for Two. Daddy said he had never bitten Wolf's Bites, while Lelincho said to swallow The "Nervous" Meat Patty - Spicy. With the white wine of my mother very well went Pig's Tongue au Natural, but because the portion was too small, she took one Chicken Rinds additionally. Big sister said she wanted Combination Omellette, and I decided to strain myself and ordered a well-done Half Roasted Chicken. For garniture I ordered of course Constipated Potatoes. Of course, I could have ordered a Paper Steak also, but i thought that would fill my stomach too much.

The waiter asked how many little slices of bread we would want. Mother wants to lose her pants, and said she will eat no bread. Father and Lelincho ordered a threesome each, Batko a double, and Kaka and I - one. I and Mum love very much cheese, so we ordered an Undercover Cheese and a Fumigated Cheese, deciding to swap them.

It was really an unforgettable lunch, dearest Johnny. When you come next summer I will by all means treat your Jerked Meat.

You will love it.

The coming week we will be going to Plovdiv. I will inevitably wrote to you how we took it out there.

Yours, Mariyka.

Kiss-kiss.

*Latter-day Mariyka is not associated with Ivancho, as she has been through hundreds of Bulgarian jokes through the decades, but with his American counterpart, Johnny. Enjoy her Engrish.