LETTER FROM MARIYKA

LETTER FROM MARIYKA

Sun, 10/01/2006 - 16:55

Johnny and Mariyka*

Pricy Johnny,

The summer already ended and I have gone to school. This year will study a lot more English than before, and I hope to catch a lot better the tongue of Mark Twain when you again come next summer. The first school day was in the middle of the road in September. The mistress of English is Bulgarian who doesn't even speak with an American accent. A big disappointment, because how willpeople grasp me when I come to visit you in Iowa?

After official ceremony to open the new cshool year Mummy, Dad, Big Brother, Big Sister, Chinka and Lelincho (I don't no how to express those in English, but they are very closed relatives) we went to have a lunch. It was a wonderful occasion that will not soon be forgotten.

In the beginning Dad and Lelincho wanted to ahve an aperitivche. Dad wanted a Peshtera Rakiya, but it emerged that there was none, so he preferred Sungurlare Aged Rakiya. Lelincho wanted Bulg. Vodka, but in the final account stopped at Bulg. Whiskey, and he took for meze Old Man From Bansko. Dad was more traditional and acquired Old Man From Strandzha. Mama faltered between Donkey's Milk and Monastery Cellar (all famus Bulgarain white wines), but then decided for Non-Alkoholik Menta. Kaka, my older sister, opted for Koffe, but I choose can Put Buul. You know how much I love Put Buul!

When the time arrived for the salads, Dad and Lelincho ordered yet another small rakiya and respectively Tracian Salad, Boiled Potatres With Carrotp and Bean in the Village Style. Mother decided to test a Combination Salad. Yet Batko, my big brother, ordered a Pig - Tripe Soup. I had to satisfy myself with Balls Soup. Ever since the Children's Garden I eat balls for lunch.

When we finished with the beforemeals and succeeded in attracting the eyes of the waiter, no one of us was very hungry, and we did not order a Compination Plate for Two. Daddy said he had never bitten Wolf's Bites, while Lelincho said to swallow The "Nervous" Meat Patty - Spicy. With the white wine of my mother very well went Pig's Tongue au Natural, but because the portion was too small, she took one Chicken Rinds additionally. Big sister said she wanted Combination Omellette, and I decided to strain myself and ordered a well-done Half Roasted Chicken. For garniture I ordered of course Constipated Potatoes. Of course, I could have ordered a Paper Steak also, but i thought that would fill my stomach too much.

The waiter asked how many little slices of bread we would want. Mother wants to lose her pants, and said she will eat no bread. Father and Lelincho ordered a threesome each, Batko a double, and Kaka and I - one. I and Mum love very much cheese, so we ordered an Undercover Cheese and a Fumigated Cheese, deciding to swap them.

It was really an unforgettable lunch, dearest Johnny. When you come next summer I will by all means treat your Jerked Meat.

You will love it.

The coming week we will be going to Plovdiv. I will inevitably wrote to you how we took it out there.

Yours, Mariyka.

Kiss-kiss.

*Latter-day Mariyka is not associated with Ivancho, as she has been through hundreds of Bulgarian jokes through the decades, but with his American counterpart, Johnny. Enjoy her Engrish.

Issue 1

Commenting on www.vagabond.bg

Vagabond Media Ltd requires you to submit a valid email to comment on www.vagabond.bg to secure that you are not a bot or a spammer. Learn more on how the company manages your personal information on our Privacy Policy. By filling the comment form you declare that you will not use www.vagabond.bg for the purpose of violating the laws of the Republic of Bulgaria. When commenting on www.vagabond.bg please observe some simple rules. You must avoid sexually explicit language and racist, vulgar, religiously intolerant or obscene comments aiming to insult Vagabond Media Ltd, other companies, countries, nationalities, confessions or authors of postings and/or other comments. Do not post spam. Write in English. Unsolicited commercial messages, obscene postings and personal attacks will be removed without notice. The comments will be moderated and may take some time to appear on www.vagabond.bg.

0 comments

Add new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.

Restricted HTML

  • Allowed HTML tags: <a href hreflang> <em> <strong> <cite> <blockquote cite> <code> <ul type> <ol start type> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <h2 id> <h3 id> <h4 id> <h5 id> <h6 id>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
  • Web page addresses and email addresses turn into links automatically.

Discover More

joke of the month.jpg
HYPOCRISY AD INFINITUM
The video, shot in the National Assembly, shows an young MP for the ruling Changes Continued political party who takes up the rostrum to make a statement to the house and then... forgets what he was about to do.

elections november 2021.jpg
BALLOT EATING AS LAST RESORT
Ahead of the 14 November general election some parties – notably the DB, or Democratic Bulgaria, and the ITN, or There Is Such a People party – insisted on taking away the good old-fashioned paper election ballots that you had to use a pen to put a cross ag

OF PIGEONS AND VACCINATIONS
In the neighbourhood, I asked a retired woman, who habitually makes a public nuisance by throwing bread crumbs out of her fourth-floor balcony to feed Sofia's uncontrolled population of pigeons, to stop doing that because a uncontrolled population of pigeon
Slavi Trifonov, the leader of There Is Such a People party
ITN, FORMERLY NTD, IMV, IBGNI ETC
A sober look at the current mess of Bulgarian politics in the aftermath of 12 years of Boyko Borisov may produce some unexpected if slightly idiosyncratic explanations.

boyko borisov 4x4
DID BOYKO DRIVE AN ILLEGAL JEEP?
Dignitaries, ministers and even foreign guests were "invited" into the jeep while the Bulgarian prime minster went for a government-provided ride.

boyko borisov
FACT-CHECKING BOYKO BORISOV
Usually made in his inimitable style, a combination of uncouth nativism and broadspeak, they can easily fill up books. Here is a selection of Borisov's most recent public statements, rendered verbatim:

MAKING THE ROUNDS IN BULGARIA
At the beginning of an exam a student turns to the professor: "Let's now see what you have taught me online." * "Do you remember when we were optimistic and made grandiose plans?"
joke of the month
COFFEE AND CROISSANTS, PLEASE
It probably is, but the genius computerists hide themselves very well, and certainly do not work for Boyko Borisov's government.

money.jpg
MONEY FOR NOTHING
Ahead of the general election scheduled for 4 April, which is expected to generate a record-low turnout owing to the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic, Boyko Borisov's chief prosecutor, Ivan Geshev, conducted a number of spectacular busts with an obvious potential

the painting
LONG LIVE BOYKO BORISOV!
The picture, in oil, executed in the best (or worst) traditions of late Socialist Realism was immediately picked up by social media users.

joke of the month.jpg
NO SAUERKRAUT IN BG AMBULANCES
The overwhelming majority of Bulgarians wait in earnest for the sauerkraut, or kiselo zele, to ferment, or vtasa.

Joke of the month 170.jpg
ARBEIT MACHT FREI
The tweeting machine is set in motion, slamming anyone the president for reasons that will probably remain a mystery forever considers a "hater" and a "loser."