NO ONE'S BROTHER & TWO-NIGHT STAND

NO ONE'S BROTHER & TWO-NIGHT STAND

Tue, 05/28/2013 - 07:13

NO ONE'S BROTHER*

Prime Minister Boyko Borisov went to visit the English Queen. While they were having tea, Boyko Borisov asked Queen Elizabeth how she managed to rule her country so well.

"It's very easy," the Queen replied. "You have to be surrounded by clever and intelligent people." The Queen went on: "Look at David Cameron."

Then she called him in, and said: "David, can I ask you a question. If your mother has a child and your father has a child, but that child is neither your sister nor your brother, who is it then?"

David Cameron thought a second, and replied: "Then it must be myself!"

"Now I've got it," Boyko Borisov said and hurried back to Bulgaria.

Once back home, he called Tsvetan Tsvetanov and said: "Tsetso, can I ask you a question?"

"Yes, boss," Tsvetanov stood to attention.

"Tsetso, if your amother has a child and your father has a child, but it is neither your brother nor your sister, who is it then?"

Tsvetanov thought and thought and thought, but nothing came into his head. "Boss, can I answer you tomorrow?"

So, Tsvetanov went into the Council of Ministers, summoned all the ministers – Vezhdi Rashidov, Svilen Neykov, Dyankov, Mladenov, Atanasova, Naydenov – and posed the question to them. But no one could reply. Vezhdi suggested to ring President Rosen Plevneliev and ask him. "He is a clever man," Vezhdi said. "He may know."

Tsvetanov called Plevneliev, and said; "Rosene, can I ask you a very important question. If your mother has a child and your father has a child, but that child is neither your sister nor your brother, who is it then?"

Plevneliev thought and said, "If it is neither my sister nor my brother, then it must be myself!"

Tsvetanov was very happy with the answer and ran to the Office of the Prime MInister.

"Boss, I have the answer," he cried. "Obviously, that child is Rosen Plevneliev!"

Boyko Borisov slapped his forehead and cried back: "You are an idiot, Tsetso! That is David Cameron!"

*told by toddler Veselin Andreev on Slavi's Show

 

TWO-NIGHT STAND

Boyko Borisov goes to Tsvetan Tsvetanov and says: "Tsetso, I am no longer in the prime of youth. I am starting to think about death. But what worries me most is where you will bury me."

"Don't worry, boss," Tsvetanov replies. "Of course we will bury you on Avenue One in the Sofia Central Cemetery, next to Todor Zhivkov, your role model."

"No," Boyko says. "Not for me. Too banal. Think up something different tomorrow."

Tsvetanov starts thinking, and on the following day he goes up to Borisov and says: "Boss, I've got this wonderful idea. We will bury you in the middle of Sofia. In the square in front of the Royal Palace. Exactly where the Georgi Dimitrov Mausoleum used to stand."

"Of course not," Borisov retorts. "Don't you remember what happened to the mausoleum?! I want something grander and more serious. You've got one more week to think."

A week later Tsvetanov goes round to Boyko's place with a folder under his arm.

"Boss, you gonna like this!"

He opens the folder and starts showing some blueprints.

"You will be buried in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, next to Jesus Christ!"

Borisov looks on, thinks, and ponders.

"That's very interesting. But our Israeli friends will probably want a lot of money for the plot."

Nothing to worry about, boss. We checked already. They want a couple of million bucks. We can afford that for you."

"You are an idiot, Tsetso," Boyko cries back. "A couple of million bucks! That's too expensive for a two-night stand!"

Issue 78

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